Now that my qualifying exam is behind me, life is full of possibility again. Time to spend with friends. Time to have hobbies. Time to do the work that I came to graduate school to do, instead of sitting around fretting about whether or not I deserve to be here.
I feel so grateful, being able to return to the things and people and places and activities that I really do love, and to live free from all that pressure. Of course, now that the external pressures are off, I have realized that it’s going to have to be an internal drive to the finish line the next three or four years. Both a blessing and a curse – on one hand, I am my own best advocate and on the other my own worst enemy.
I’m trying to spend a lot of time thinking about how I want to structure my time and what I really want to fill it with. What’s really *me* and what are things that I don’t care for but do because I “ought”. What oughts are good and what oughts are not necessary? I want to be excited about every minute of my life again, not just “it’s alright”.